About me.

I'm a 45 year old living in a 16 year old girl's body. I've had some pretty brutal shit go on in my life and I'm extremely proud of who I am today. If I was to start from the beginning and tell you everything I would probably be writing all night long, so I'll do my best to tell you what you need to know and leave out some of the gory details. I'm 16, as you may have realized, and I'm more mature than most adults you will ever meet. It's not by choice but simply because I never grew up with the chance to act young. My father is a drug addict and alcoholic and even though, as of now, he is separated from my mother, it is still something that completely knocked out any chance I had at a childhood. When I was little my dad was always disappearing. He would be gone for days on end and I would never have any idea where he was or when he was coming back. I knew something was wrong, but I did not know what extent it had come to. I can honestly say that I had no idea what my dad was up to until I was about 10 years old. Now, the only reason I found out then was because my mother had had enough and was making him go to rehab or move out. He chose the rehab. I probably couldn't tell you exactly how many times my dad left to go to rehab, but that time wasn't the only one. He is the type of guy who usually gets what he wants and even if he wants something he shouldn't have he gets it. He's never really had to take responsibility for his own actions. He's actually never really had to take responsibility for anything in his life. I couldn't say how many times he's been clean and relapsed or lied and relied or left and came back. I can't tell you whether or not he wants to be clean, i can't tell you whether or not he is doing it for himself or for himself and everyone he loves. But I can tell you that, as of now, he is clean and healthy. He is my best friend. As strange as that may seem, I love him more than anything in this whole world and couldn't ask for a better dad.I love him so much and I always forgive him and I hate myself for that. He may not be the greatest person in the world or receive the best dad award every year, but he is my dad and no matter what I love him and I am proud to call him my dad.

Now, on to things about me. I am nowhere near perfect. I drink, I swear, I lie, I cheat, I'm human. I never really do everything I should do, and I don't always do as I'm told. But I always strive for excellence and I never take the easy way out. I am a good person and I try to do things right, I just fuck up sometimes.

My life isn't make if sugar and spice and everything nice. It's made of lies, sadness, anger, grudges, and more. But I have some things in my life that I would never trade for anything. Thanks to my dad I have a few brothers that are amazingly wonderful, including a new one who just turned 7 months old. I love him more than anything or anyone in this world and I am more than grateful to have him around.

My life. It's hard but it's mine. And I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.